Yesterday I suggested the primary folly was the folly of God as revealed in the original creative act. As an action of freedom, it was oriented toward and done on behalf of the other. I also proposed that, for Christians, Jesus is the embodiment of this divine foolishness that knowingly, lovingly, and willingly makes room for the other, for the not me.
I have the good fortune of having a friend and also a brother-in-law who regularly practice this kind of holy foolishness — foolishness as the simple and sacred practice of making room for the other. You may know people who have the same propensity. A brief description of what I have in mind and what I have witnessed enough to know that it is not an anomaly but rather a way of life may be helpful for the rest of us as a living reminder that holy foolishness does not necessarily entail something outrageous or attention-drawing or extraordinary.
In a world strewn with self-absorbed people, my friend JB and my brother-in-law Dick stand out as they share a common way of being in the world and engaging with others. It is a way of being that seems natural to each of them. But I know that it happens by conscious choice. It is no accident. It involves a subtle and natural setting aside of one’s self-interest in favor of focusing on and being present to the other. A simple sacrifice, it takes energy and effort. Although simple it has a profound and lasting impact.
I have been on the receiving end of this hospitality. But where I was originally aware of it and am now continually touched by it is when I observe how these men, one a godfather and one an uncle, interact with my children. It both pleases me and makes sense to me that we chose JB twenty-three years ago to be my daughter’s godfather since, as I have just written, I believe this form of holy foolishness is grounded in the original folly of God who makes room for the other. And what better gift could an uncle offer than his undivided attention?
What they do quite simply and quite well is this: they “go out of their way” to take an interest in each of my children. They make room for them by asking evocative questions that invite my children to talk about themselves. Then they do five simple (and I think transformative) things:
- They listen genuinely.
- They pay attention completely.
- They take delight in fully.
- They celebrate directly. And
- they affirm unreservedly
not merely what they have heard from my children but more importantly who each of them are as persons. That’s it. But that’s IT. For what middle aged or older adult among us is so different from developing youth that we do not like it when someone pays attention, listens with genuine care, affirms who we are, and expresses delight in us that resembles, if only indistinctly, the divine delight God expressed after each original and imaginative act of creation?
Will we call this simple gesture flattery, or fool’s gold, or a contradiction of everything I have previously written calling for self-limitation in favor of interest in the other? No, I don’t think so. Experience tells me that those who take the most delight in others, in the simple joys and blessings of each day, in the sublime mystery of creation in the form of a flower that stretches out in the morning sun and closes in the evening shade, are those who have experienced themselves most deeply and directly the unmitigated delight of God whether in a moment of prayer or a moment of undivided attention offered by a gracious uncle or godfather.♦
Pax
Dan