The Little Brothers and Sisters of Joy and Delight at the rite of peace. Oh, Oh.

Wednesday, August 29, 2018
U.S. Today (and Maybe Tomorrow – We Shall See)

A tiny group of Catholics were publicly chastised and warned of more severe measures being taken against them if the small community did not curb its enthusiasm during Sunday liturgy. The anonymous bishop’s spokesman relayed that a pastoral letter had been sent to all Catholic parishes in the U.S. to be read after all the Masses this upcoming Sunday. News of the announcement was passed on to the Daily Times and to WHIN Nightly News on the condition that the bishop, diocese, and parish would remain anonymous, lest it attract an onslaught of likeminded enthusiasts.

Apparently, a lay community calling itself The Little Brothers and Sisters of Joy and Delight had flown under the radar of local ecclesial leaders. Until recently, the group’s acronym LBSJD led many to assume it was a Catholic organization for overweight lawyers. The leadership of this nameless diocese are known for their rigid hierarchical governance, traditionalist religious views, trying to roll back the liturgical changes initiated at Vatican II, and oddly, a rash of pulled hamstring muscles among a multitude of clergy and like-minded laity. Regarding the latter, a devoted group of orthopedics from the Ortho-Docs Medical (Right of) Center, have just published their findings that this bizarre condition seems to be disproportionately found in people who are prone to constantly stretching backward toward pre-Vatican II days.

Another unfounded rumor was that the LBSJD community – all active members of the same parish (we will call it Holy Child Jesus Meek and Wild Church) — were the renegade grandchildren of leftover charismatics from the 1960’s who had been hiding out in the hills of an unnamed state (some suspect it was the Badlands of South Dakota). Over the past two years, the tiny community have made their way to Holy Child Jesus and settled into the surrounding neighborhoods. The lay community maintains that it does not identify itself as charismatic (“just Catholic”), although they made it clear they have no problem or animus toward those who do. “This rumor started,” said the mother of two LBSJD members, “because a summer visitor returned home and spread untruths that many of the worshippers at Holy Child Jesus were speaking in tongues during Mass, saying that much of the time it was all babble, gabble, and goo-gooing.”

The bishop’s reprimand and forceful warning were the results of a secret investigation of the small community within HCJ parish. Several diocesan representatives wearing black horned rim glasses, a bulbous nose, and a bushy black mustache attended Mass at HCJ on successive Sundays. They informed the bishop that they suspect the community under investigation has Irish roots since its members seem to move from melancholy to mirth in a matter of seconds, keening and crying one minute (and not always during the penitential rite) and cooing, giggling, and laughing hysterically the next.

A spokesperson for LBSJD (okay, a mom of a member) emphasized that “we are just one parish group among many others like the Legion of Mary, Contemplative Prayer Group, YA Club, Young at Heart, The Food Pantry, Liturgy Committee, and Social Action. Some of the LBSJD members are also in the Day Care Ministry. All are welcome to join us.”

The report that informed the unidentified bishop’s pastoral letter included a video clip (See above) secretly taken with a cell phone. Three liturgical improprieties, in particular, raised the ire of top diocesan leaders and, as word leaked out, scandalized certain unctuous laypersons. The perceived wrongdoings dealt with The Lord’s Prayer, The Alleluia, and The Sign of Peace.

A copy of the report shown to WHIN Nightly News indicated that most if not all of the LBSJD members substituted the word “dada” and, even more disconcertingly to the men in charge, “mama” at the beginning of The Lord’s Prayer. The bishop made it clear that although the Aramaic word Abba is often rendered as “dada” or “daddy” that liturgical decorum called for the more formal appellation “Father.” Our Father.

The second inelegant infraction occurred during the Alleluia. The bishop’s letter said “while the Alleluia sung during the appropriate seasons is a proclamation of praise, noisemakers like rattles, squeaky toys, and pull-stringed stuffed animals that bark, whistle, or chirp are inappropriate, even while rejoicing at the Easter Vigil. Such actions should cease and desist immediately.”

Third, and even more upsetting, especially for the liturgically constipated, was the extended commotion and God-awful music at The Sign of Peace. Originally called The Kiss of Peace, this ancient Christian greeting and offering of peace morphed into a ritual gesture within the liturgy itself, and is currently placed after the Lord’s Prayer and before Communion. The bishop feared the LBSJD were taking liberties with this ancient ritual action. One diocesan MAM (Mole at Mass) described in his report that “the Sign of Peace resembled a tag team of petite amorous French wrestlers enacting cuddly half nelsons, side headlocks, excessive bear hugging, back pounding, and faire la bise. Some Sundays the Sign of Peace extended for minutes with participants embracing and kissing – sometimes the cheek-to-cheek greeting was offered to the same person more than once.”

The pastoral letter said that the LBSJD community has been given two weeks to quell their behavior without risking excommunication. When asked about the situation, the pastor of Holy Child Jesus, Fr. Leggpuller said that “looks can deceive. Despite being a tiny part of the parish, The Little Brothers and Sisters of Joy and Delight are an integral, enlivening, and committed part of the larger parish.” About the alleged liturgical violations, he said that a letter of explanation and compliance was being drafted and would be sent to the bishop’s office in the not too distant future. He added, “A parishioner who owns a pawn shop has donated a large shooting clock once owned by the now-defunct Seattle Supersonics basketball team and used in their practice gym. We have already mounted it,” the priest said, “and it now hangs from our choir loft. This way the Sign of Peace will not exceed 24 seconds.”

Standing outside on the steps of the church, a father of one of the LBSJD who is the head of the Parish Council said that while the community would be sending a formal reply to the pastoral letter, they did agree with Pope Francis’ response to the liturgy warlords when he stressed that the Mass is not “clerical” but rather “an action for the people, but also of the people.” Francis, who has been a consistent advocate for the anawim and little ones, also referenced the Second Vatican Council documents reemphasizing that Catholics should not be “strangers or silent spectators” during Mass.

Our interview ended abruptly when we heard an ear-piercing buzzer from inside the church. I guess reporters have only 24 seconds to do their job as well.

~ Beat writer – Dan Miller